rlbourges

Loss, for instance

In Animals, Break - coffee, Current reading, I Ching, Local projects, proto drafts on July 21, 2015 at 10:26 am

So. The Social Center again. Mit a desk fan – the heat outside, relentless. The air cooled somewhat during the night. I opened all the floor length windows and  Cybèle slept out of the narrow balcony. At one point, the open window framed the Big Dipper.  In my next living space, the bedroom window points due South.

To-do lists – checking off the items, one after the other. I let the moments of despondency come and go – the door’s unlocked, I don’t invite them in,  I don’t shoo them away either.  When one set of chores is done, I read. Some Iliad, then some of Louise Erdrich’s sumptuous writing. I alternate between engrossed as a reader and writerly moments of paying attention to a way she manages the digging down into the characters’ unspoken emotions.

My own writing, in abeyance. I came across a quote by Gilles Deleuze (someone whose work I’ve never read nor felt any inclination to explore).  In French, the quote reads : “Si vous êtes pris dans le rêve de l’autre, vous êtes foutu”. Rough translation: If you’re caught in the other’s dream, you’re screwed.  So many ways to interpret that, different characters in the proto-draft are mulling that one over. Caught – as in trapped? as in involved? Mesmerized? Willing accomplice?

The new internet service provider promises to show up at the new place on Friday morning. Time will tell. In the meantime, I contact those people I can reach by phone to let them know the service shut down eleven days before scheduled. Please don’t send any further emails at that address and please remind me of yours in a text message on my phone.

Levels and levels and levels. I’m starting to understand why I like the word-for-word version of the I Ching so much. Something like my early childhood love of dictionaries, especially where they involved “ordinary” words, the ones where the possible meanings ran on for a half-page or even a full-page entry.

Loss, for instance. So many ways loss occurs, so many ways to experience, and express how it affects someone’s behavior.

Allez. Admin stuff ahead, and still lots of it.

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