rlbourges

From grief, on to the next place

In Drafts, Hautvoir, Local projects on December 8, 2013 at 8:49 am

not alway gaie à la Mehitabel but not often bored. Often bewildered.

The moment that made the most sense in yesterday’s parade: sitting in a car outside my apartment, listening to someone else express her own doubts and fears, until we reached the core to it all. Two years after he was struck down from his bicycle and killed by a passing motorist, she’s tackling his office space in the house because she needs it for her own work.

They built the booking agency together but it was his baby. Every particle of space in that room is filled with memories both tangible and not. What to keep, what to throw away, how to accept the fact you’re moving on. How to accept the fact you’re alive and he’s dead. Sometimes, the main thing is having someone who’ll listen to  you say this – or who’ll voice it for you, if the words don’t come of their own accord. Everything that came before or after that moment in the car yesterday takes on the value of the sideshow it was all along.

However. The sideshows take up most of the time in a day or in a life. A man reeling out half of his life story before  you’ve gotten the key into the lock, and reeling off the second half before you’ve shut the door to the cold morning air. A sound check so loud and jarring it sends you bolting out of a venue, for fear of a seizure. A crowd of people, happy to see you, having a good time. You’re glad to see them too – no matter how outrageous their behavior or their clothes. But the fog is on the town again and one of the characters will have to find some way to play for  you the role you held for someone else yesterday, when you sat in her car, and listened.

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